Friday, June 10, 2011

EMPLOYER TALK

 

We're all fluent in this modern language. It's what we use when we want to exaggerate a little bit on our resumes or applications. It's also what we adopt when we're looking for a new person to join our company -- or not. Here's one interpretation of this secret labour code that appears in classified ads, cover letters, and resumes:

"IMMEDIATE OPENING:" The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We're just now running the ad.

"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:" We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.

"SELF-MOTIVATED:" Management won't answer questions

"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:" After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $25 co-pay.

"PENSION/RETIREMENT BENEFITS:" After 3 years, we'll allow you to fund your own 401(k) and, if you behave, we'll give you a 5 percent matching contribution.

"SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:" ...who still live with their parents and won't mind our internship-level salaries.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings

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