- You think an "all-nighter" is not having to get up to pee.
- A sexy woman walks by and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
- You're the life of the party, even if it lasts until 8 PM.
- You're smiling all the time because you can't hear a thing anyone is saying.
- You're very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.
- You're aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as yours.
- You're very good at opening childproof caps (with a hammer).
- You're not grouchy; you just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
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