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The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
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You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
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You lick your coffeepot clean.
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You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
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You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
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You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
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Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
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You chew on other people's fingernails.
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The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
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Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
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