- When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
- America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
- It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.
- Marge, you being a cop makes you the man - which makes me the woman; and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which (as we discussed) is strictly a comfort thing.
- Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...
- It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
- English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
- I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
- Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers?
- Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!
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