- Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese.
- Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!
- When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... "Spaceballs". But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy".
- I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!
- Son, when you participate in sporting events - it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.
- Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.
- Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
- I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.
- You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.
- Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.
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