- Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
- Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
- Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
- Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
- Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
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