Sunday, April 8, 2012

MORE PUNS

 

 

  • A rather youthful Billy Joel was fascinated when he entered the Green Room at the Tonight Show and saw a group of matronly nuns hastily applying hair colour to the noggin of the show's next guest, Neil Young, whose agent offered an explanation from the corner of the room: "Only the good dye Young."
  • It's a bad week for the stock market. Helium was up, but feathers were down. Paper was stationary, but pencils lost a few points. Elevators rose but escalators continued their slow decline. Switches were off and mining equipment hit rock bottom. The raisin market has dried up. Pampers remained unchanged while Sun peaked at mid-day. Scott tissues touched a new bottom.
  • What did Frank Sinatra say when someone asked him if he had ever kept wading birds as pets? "Egrets, I've had a few."
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
  • A man leaned to his right because his right leg was shorter than his left. He finally went to see a surgeon after much insistence from friends. Later, one of those friends saw the man walking down the street and noticed that the man's legs were exactly the same length. "See, what did I tell you?", the friend boasted. "You didn't believe the doctor could fix your leg!" The man said, "I stand corrected."
  • The horse got run over by a car. It's now in stable condition.
  • When a woman sees her first grey hair, she usually thinks she'll dye.
  • Her boyfriend had a wooden leg, until she broke it off.
  • He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes Benz.
  • He wears glasses during math because it improves division

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