- I'd like to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
- Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.
- If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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