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Who me? I just wander from room to room.
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It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
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At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
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You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
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If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise me at every keystroke.
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Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
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If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.
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Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
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