IS THAT THE HELP DESK?

 

• Customer: "I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!"
• Helpdesk: "How may I help you?" Customer: "I'm writing my first e-mail." Helpdesk: "Okay, and what seems to be the problem?" Customer: "Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?"
• No more floppy disks from home, Systems Administrator tells user whose PC keeps getting re-infected with viruses. A week goes by with no problems - then user's machine is infected again. Yes, she used a disk from home, user admits. "But I let the diskette sit on my desk for a whole week. Who knew that the virus could live that long?"
• New computer room is state of the art, beautifully laid out and stuffed with useful tools for systems management. "But the feature we're all proudest of is the fact that the card-key reader to get in is located much lower on the wall than in the old room," says Systems Administrator who works there. "Nothing to do with accessibility requirements - the sys admins were around when the electricians were hooking it up, and we requested it that way. You just bang your butt up against it, with the access key still in your back pocket, and it clicks. A great time-saver."
• Computer guy, getting ready to leave for a conference, requests a company laptop so he can stay in touch with e-mail while he's on the road. "Our department has four or five high-end laptops for visiting staff," says helpdesk, "so I figured this would not be a problem." Request denied, say the laptop keepers: "Our IT department policy is that company laptops cannot be taken out of the building."
• After a chain e-mail makes the rounds at this company, Sys Admin sends e-mail to all users reminding them that this is against company policy, quoting from the employee handbook about appropriate e-mail use. But this Systems Administrator receives an extra copy with a directive at the top: "Please print and distribute to all those employees without e-mail access."
• Working on the requirements for a new version of an order processing application, developer gets a very specific request from a user: "On the accounts receivable screen, I want the system to tell me when I have checks that I haven't deposited."
  Help desk gets the call from a receptionist whose tab key on the keyboard isn't working. "I told her to shake the keyboard upside-down and tap one corner on the desk." No luck. "I then told her to pick up one end about two or three inches off the desk and drop it. Hearing a loud thud, I asked what she was doing. She said, 'I am dropping one side of the laptop they just got fixed for me yesterday."
• This university has a new voice-mail system, and tech aide watches as a vendor rep trains staffers to use it. Rep: "The first time you use your mailbox, you'll be prompted to choose and enter your password using the phone's keypad." Support staffer: "Can it be letters and numbers?" Rep: "Well, sure." Staffer: "Is it case-sensitive?"
• "When the air conditioning goes down, it gets hot in the server room - climbing to over 100 degrees. The infrastructure guys get the bright idea of opening the window - yes, this server room has a window - to cool off the room. Great idea, right? However, the lawn sprinklers go on causing two brand-new high-end servers to get wet and bringing an entire project team of over 30 people to a grinding halt.