In 1989, Michael J. Irvin distributed the following brief collection of cute sayings:
• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
• A penny saved is ridiculous.
• All that glitters has a high refractive index.
• Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
• Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
• Death is Nature's way of saying, "Slow down."
• Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
• Don't hate yourself in the morning—sleep till noon.
• Drive defensively—buy a tank.
• Entropy isn't what it used to be.
• Fairy tales: horror stories for children, to get them used to reality.
• Familiarity breeds children.
• History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
• It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere.
• Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
• Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
• Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
• Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
• "Reality"—the only obstacle to happiness.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• The road to success is always under construction.
• Those who can't write, write Help files.
• To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
• Today is the last day of your life so far.
• When all else fails, read the instructions.
• When in doubt, don't bother.
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