Saturday, January 29, 2011



In 1989, Michael J. Irvin distributed the following brief collection of cute sayings:

• A closed mouth gathers no feet.

• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

• A penny saved is ridiculous.

• All that glitters has a high refractive index.

• Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.

• Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.

• Death is Nature's way of saying, "Slow down."

• Don't force it; get a larger hammer.

• Don't hate yourself in the morning—sleep till noon.

• Drive defensively—buy a tank.

• Entropy isn't what it used to be.

• Fairy tales: horror stories for children, to get them used to reality.

• Familiarity breeds children.

• History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.

• It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere.

• Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

• Mediocrity thrives on standardization.

• Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

• Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.

• "Reality"—the only obstacle to happiness.

• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

• The road to success is always under construction.

• Those who can't write, write Help files.

• To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.

• Today is the last day of your life so far.

• When all else fails, read the instructions.

• When in doubt, don't bother.

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