- My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
- Senior Citizen: Give me my damn discount!
- (Spotted on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
- I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
- Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
- Old age comes at a bad time.
- In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME
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